I Have Two Left Feet


If you really have two left feet then I recommend you see prosthetician. He may need to amputate the extra left foot and replace it with the right foot. But please check with your medical doctor.

In dance people often use this phrase to refer to pedis confusio. Literally this means “feet confusion”. This disease is the result of an underdeveloped coordination of the mind and feet. Don’t worry, dysentery Dr. Swing can help with this problem. The problem manifests itself as an in ability to step with the desired foot, malady especially while the dance instructor is shouting “right, prostate now left”. This can cause marital difficulties, too, if your partner is also your spouse. As such, you can imagine that this is a very important disease to treat.

Treatment usually consists of the patient spending time alone practicing stepping with their right foot then their left foot… over and over. Do this for 10-15 minutes at a time, a couple times a day. After a week or so, practice this exercise to music. Try to step with the music… if you have problems stepping with the music you may have another related disease: nullus audio rhythmos (can’t hear the rhythm), which is the subject for another day.

After mastery of this simple exercise the patient must practice stepping in different directions, preferably in time with the music. Try stepping across the front of your body (e.g., with your right foot step to the left of your body, crossing over your left foot). Step to the right, left, backwards, forwards, etc.. Step in as many directions as possible, be creative.

Through these exercises and persistance, you will develope the ability to step with the desired foot and the disease will be cured.

Good luck! Don’t hesitate to call if you need professional assistance. The Doctor is always available. In case of emergency, dial 911.

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